Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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