You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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