That's intense
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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