I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
