when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
