Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
