problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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