youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
