nut hugger
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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