You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
