Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
