why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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