I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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