Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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