Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
