1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
