I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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