Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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