Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
