things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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