google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
