I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
