I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
