You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
