i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
