my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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