i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
