I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
