how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
