I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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