I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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