the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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