Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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