Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
