You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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