it wasn't lemon gatorade
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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