Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
