I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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