Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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