..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
