I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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