weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
