what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
