Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
