even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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