im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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