ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
