Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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