I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up under a house in Key West
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