I didn't shave. On purpose
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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