i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
